I wrote down these three reasons 5 years ago as to why I stopped having sex. I needed to see my thoughts on paper so I jotted them down in what I called my ‘Preparation Journal.’ This was a journal where I would write down my thoughts, things that I learned about preparing for marriage, etc. Although I didn’t stay the course due to selfish reasons as well as stick to my own boundaries by not having sex, I am back to living out this principle in my life and have been for almost a year and a half now. I’ve addded more of my thoughts and insight of some things I’ve learned (some extremely painful experieneces) and also observed within the last five years.

  1. The number one reason I stopped having sex is because I wanted to please God first and foremost. I didn’t want to continue sinning against Him and also grieving the Holy Spirit. I wanted to please the Lord by honoring Him with my body because I mean…it does belong to Him. He did purchase it when His Son Jesus died on the cross for my sins (yours too). doesn’t belong to me. I cannot do with it what I want, whenever I want and how I want. The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 4:3 that “it is the will of God that we abstain from fornication.” It can’t get any more plain than that. If I confess that I am a child of God then I need to act like it, live like it and walk like it. My life needs to be reflective of my confession. How can I be an effective witness for Christ if I’m somewhere with my legs open laying under the sheets? The answer to that is that I can’t.
  2. I know that one day soon I will be getting married and I want to be presented to my future husband as a gift and not ‘damaged goods.’ I want God to be able to present me to him as a whole woman; not with my soul fragmented and pieces of it spread out over the state of New Jersey. In order for my future husband to have the best of me, I must allow God to do all that He needs to do in me. I’m not saying that I’m going to be 100% flawless. This way of thinking is distorted and unrealistic. We ALL have flaws and I’m sure we ALL will die with them. Proverbs 22:18 says that “he that finds a good wife, finds a good thing.” I want to be that ‘good thing’ that my husband-to-be finds. I don’t want to be all jacked up, messed up, tangled up and tied up when he finds me. As a matter of fact, as gracious as God is, He probably wouldn’t even allow my future husband to find me if I was in a such a state. Why would the Lord take a chance on allowing one of his son’s to connect with someone who is toxic and unstable? I don’t think He would do that. The Lord loves me and my future husband too much to allow such a thing to happen. If He did allow it, I’m sure there would be a pretty good reason for it. He does nothing without a cause.
  3. Last but not least, I no longer want to be treated less than what I deserve and less than what I’m worth. I am royalty status and therefore I had to let go of men that I got involved with emotionally and sexually who didn’t recognize my worth. I had to stop dealing with men who didn’t have my best interest at heart, those who were unavailable and those who wanted to have sex with me but nothing more. These men had no relationship with God and knew nothing about what God said concerning a wife and living a holy life. Once I let go of the ‘distractions’, I was able to see my own worth. The way I began to see myself had to slowly catch up with the way God sees me and He sees me fearfully and wonderfully. Once I recognized that my worth was in HIM and Him alone…I was well on my way. I’m just grateful that I finally realized that I deserve nothing less than the best and I will continue to wait on the Lord until my ‘best’ arrives!

There are other reasons why I stopped having sex such as unwanted pregnancies, not wanting to contract any sexually transmitted diseases, soul-ties and I’m sure there’s more that I haven’t thought about but I wanted to talk about the top three. If you’re not sexually active, what are some of your reasons for abstaining? Let’s talk.


Shamine Marie